diary of a crush
by eden's garden
Summary: new town.new school.new people. Bella's feeling overwhelmed but on day two something happens that will turn her life upside down.pouty, messy haired and frustratingly elusive Edward the artboy of her dreams. but do boys like Edward ever play for keeps
1. did my heart love 'til now

**Heya, this is my first story so sorry if it kind of sucks! This is a twilight fanfic obviously and the idea for the story is based on this book called **_**diary of a crush by Sarra Manning **_

**The character might be a bit OOC, but it's for the story so hope you enjoy**

**Eden.**

Do you ever get that feeling that you're waiting for your life to begin? Sometimes I feel like I invented that feeling. Everything's happening so fast, changing right before my eyes and I can't even bring myself to get out of bed and dazzle the world with my brightest smile and shinny new hair slides. Instead I'm huddled under my duvet, scribbling into my Emily the strange note book. Pathetic right, I seem to be writing a lot lately, it's like an escape, I never pictured myself as a diary type girl but I guess change is inevitable.

It takes all I have but somehow I manage to drag myself out of bed and get ready for school. School, new school, I guess in a way I should be happy, I get to redefine myself to a bunch of people who have no clue who I am. My friends back in Phoenix say it's the only good thing that comes out of moving to a new place. And I guess if it were someplace else instead of the miniscule town of Forks where the sun never shines I'd be up for it. But really what do I care what a bunch of small town folk think of me?

I mean, yeah I should be rising to the challenge, but you know not so much. It's my first day at a new school and everyone there has known each other since like birth, they've been in girl scouts and ballet class tpgether, how am I just supposed to squeeze myself into their conversations. I keep feeling like I'll get there and someone's going to tap me on my shoulder and be like "hey kid, you don't belong here" but where I do belong, where my friends are, is miles and miles away.

Why did Dad have to get reassigned to Forks, yeah I know his Chief of police now, but for what a town where the biggest crime problem is shop lifting. Why did Dad have to get reassigned at all, moving me, Mom and Miles halfway across the country? My theory, my Parents are hell-bent on ruining my life and destroying what little self esteem I have, that's why.

I got this massive lecture from the parents at breakfast about 'making an effort to fit in' yep my parent's think I'm a total freak, they added some stuff like 'we know the move was hard on you but it's been four weeks now and you should have adjusted by now' I'm sure that they've secretly been taking lessons on how to make me feel like a socially dysfunctional freak of nature, it's the only explanation I have for why my parent's treat me like some fragile handle-with-care package that they don't want to break. They don't get it though, it's not like I can just go up to random strangers and crowbar myself into their conversation and be like "Yeah, me too! I love the thrills, isn't the lead singer just the dreamiest?' insert retching noises. I just can't do stuff like that.

I knew though, that if I told them this they just wouldn't understand, my Mom especially, she's like this free spirited free thinker who can do anything she puts her mind to. I'm sure she wonders where she went wrong with me. So instead of sitting through more lectures I decided to join a club or sign up for an extra course, anything to make my parents believe I was actually trying to make some friends. Instead of being the introvert I normally am.

So it was directly after scribbling my name on the sign up sheet, I had decided on a course in photography, I was walking hurriedly down the hall, nothing particularly intelligent on my mind, except whether I should have some fruit loops or Oreos when I got home, it happened right after I decided on the Fruit loops. My entire life changed in less than thirty seconds, it was like one minute I was living this suck life and the next nothing was going to be the same again.

There weren't any neon signs, any warnings, and no dramatic music playing ion the background. There I was, just having taken a seat in the cafeteria picking at the chicken sandwich I'd ordered and hoping that no-one would see me sitting there all alone, when I looked up and locked into a pair of deep green eyes, and I felt my spiritual self shift into orbit.

His face was all hard planes and angles, cheekbones and jaw line softened only by these pillowy lips. His hair was equally confused, a messy bronze-brown going in all directions but it looked perfect on him. He was wearing jeans that were faded at the knees and dark blue everywhere else, a striped shirt and a suit jacket. All of him was in chaos and it was hard to work out whether he was oddly beautiful or beautifully odd, I never thought of boys as beautiful before, I hadn't even known that boys could be beautiful but this one was about to prove me wrong.

Then he kind of looked beyond me and frowned as if he was annoyed at my audacity for daring to be in his line of vision, boys that looked like that always think that they can get away with acting like jerks, he's probably an arrogant dickweed who thinks he can treat girls however he wants.

I saw him again, later that afternoon, gliding across the school yard, without a care in the world, it always seemed that everything slowed down when he was near and then I heard someone yell "Edward" and he looked up with a smile that could light up the night sky. His names Edward, of course he's called Edward, somehow the old fashioned name suited him like a glove, and how could he be called anything else.

**So that was the first chapter, sorry if it wasn't exciting or anything but it will get interesting. So like I said this is based on the book diary of a crush, and this chapter was a lot like the actual book, I tried to add my own things but the chapter from the actual book was exactly what I need for the beginning of this story, but I will try and make it original as much as I can. Thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time. Thanks.**


	2. my everything lurched

**So here it is the second chapter. Hope you like it and thanks for the review imaginationrox!! glad to see someone liked it!!!**

**This chapter might be a bit weird with Lauren and stuff but it all ties in with the story promise!**

This is what I've found out about Edward, or the heir to my heart, as I now think of him:

He's on the Art foundation course, and he's a junior like me.

He's one of the in-crowd, along with his two friends, Jasper (bleach blonde hair, old-school trainers and a carhatt t-shirt) and

Emmett (really tall, big, burly wears baggy pants)

They spend a large portion of their time hanging out at the café down the road, but upstairs which is apparently far more sociably acceptable than downstairs with all the housewives

Edward works at the music store look and listen on Wednesday afternoons and all day Saturday.

He can play the piano, which explains the long beautiful fingers (an artist and a musician _sigh)_

How, you might ask, do I know all this? Well, I was incredibly brave today and actually spoke to this girl, called Lauren, who is in my English lit course. I was sitting in our class with an empty desk on the other side of me and an animated, 'I'm just waiting for all fifty of my closest friends to suddenly materialize' expression on my face, but actually I was taking in my surroundings, as far as English classes went, or classrooms in general this one was pretty much below average it was painted a hideous gray color not even a nicer cloudy gray. The walls wear blank besides this really worn out picture of some balding guy with a funny looking mustache who I took to be Shakespeare and a poster for an upcoming book fair. The teacher sat in the front at her desk looking just about ready to pass out. I was just taking it all in when this girl plonked herself down next to me.

I glanced at her but she was rummaging about in her bag so I went back to what I was doing before, which was subconsciously doodling on my notebook.

"I like your hair slides"

No-one had ever spoken to me apart from the teaches so at first I didn't think she was referring to me, so I touched the side of my head where one of my slides were keeping my hair in place, it was a strawberry hair slide black and red, then I looked at her. She gave me a look like she thought I was mentally challenged. It took a while but I finally managed to process a reply.

"Um, thank you... I didn't realize you were speaking to me" I added afterwards, she nodded at me impatiently like she didn't really care about my reply, like she had just said that about my hair slides to break the ice or something, or maybe I was overanalyzing things again.

"So you're from Arizona right, I thought I didn't recognize you, you must be the new chief's daughter" it was strange like she wasn't actually being rude but there was something in her tone of voice that wasn't far from it.  
"Yes" I replied "Phoenix, my dad got transferred her over the summer, my names Bella"

"Bella?" she asked

"Yes as in Isabella" I mumbled the last part, it wasn't like I hated my name it's just that it was so long and people tended to drag the Bella part of my name out so it ended up sounding like Isabellllllla, which really annoyed me, so I just stuck with Bella it was easier for me any way.

"I'm Lauren," she announced "I was named after this actress Lauren Bacall who did these really old movies"

"oh, that's cool" I added not knowing what else to say, and after a moment that seemed to take forever she let out this breath that she seemed to be holding and smiled at me "thanks, so do you like it here?"

Was she serious, how could she ask me that did she not see the totally depressed look on my face? Not wanting to sound rude who knew maybe she loved her home town and would get offended if I just suddenly started bad mouthing the weather or something like that, plus she was the first person to speak to me and I was not going to blow it.

"It's ok" I mumbled and then added " I miss my friends though" Lauren nodded, her long blonde locks shaking as she did so, she was rather pretty I admitted to myself, not extremely gorgeous or anything but pretty in that traditional overrated sense. You know long blond and wavy hair, sky blue eyes and blemish free skin, she was probably very popular with the guys as well, I presumed.

She glanced down at my notebook, with Edwards named plastered all over it. She smiled knowingly at me and said in this 'been there done that' voice "Oh, Edward," her smile broadened "He's very snackable. When did you meet him?" she asked. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and I knew that I probably looked like a ripe tomato, I began to say something about how Edward was this boy from back in Phoenix that I was really into, but Lauren didn't buy any of it, she simply snorted "yeah, right…everyone loves Edward it's like a right of passage or something. You get boobs, you realize sitting downstairs in the café is totally lame and you fall in love with Edward"

I was silent for a moment, "are you in love with Edward then?" this was the first time I had said his name out loud, and just by saying it I felt like I was signing my soul over to the devil. Lauren brought me out of my overly dramatic thoughts when she snorted again this time at my previous question, "no" she replied simply then added "Because I'm completely head over heals in love with his best friend Jasper. He's in love with me too. We're a regular love fest like Romeo and Juliet" she sounded so exhilarated, that I didn't add that Romeo and Juliet ended up dead at the end but hey who wants to spoil someone's dreams right.

Then before I could say anything she went into this long complicated story about Jasper and his ex-girlfriend, I didn't really follow but I nodded a lot and tried to make discreet enquiries about Edward but I might as well have had 'I like Edward" tattooed on my forehead. Yup, I'm super subtle.

Later that day I was sitting in the cafeteria pretending to be engrossed in one of my literature books, _Othello_, I think I couldn't really be all that sure because sitting at the table in front of me was none other than Edward, I couldn't really stare at him without being obvious because he was sitting facing me so if I looked up I'd be looking directly at him, yet I couldn't stop myself from stealing these glances at him. He had a scar across his left eyebrow, it was barely visible,and I felt really weird staring at it but in a good way. I wondered how it had gotten there. I let my imagination fly as I thought about all the possible reasons for it.

I looked up at him again, it looked like he was copying someone's homework or maybe doing his own (do art students even get homework?) because he was hunched over these papers, a pen clenched in his long fingers and his forehead was scrunched up like he was concentrating really hard. Looking at him like this, surrounded by all his friends even though he was preoccupied with something else, made me fell really sad, because even though he was sitting right in front of me just a couple of meters away, he was really a million miles out of my reach. He was beautiful and everybody loved him, he had a purpose, people cared what he was doing and where he was. And here I was sharing breathing space with him and he didn't even know I existed. I felt seriously insignificant, here he was a proper person with goals and a future, he mattered to people and I was just some stupid kid. And he probably doesn't trip up the bus stairs, or any flat surface for that matter, he also probably doesn't lose all his cognitive thought processes when his in breathing space to the person he likes. Oh no! Please don't let him like anyone else that would probably kill me. As I was thinking this he looked up, not at me of course, because if he was looking at me his face wouldn't have come to life like it did, his cheek bones went a centimeters up and this gorgeous crooked smile that just lit up his entire face. He was looking at the girl that just entered the cafeteria; she danced gracefully to his table a fairy like smile on her face as she planted a kiss on his cheek. She was beautiful to, short inky black hair that was cropped really short and spiked out in all directions, she was tiny to but it suited her, she had crimson red lipstick on that looked just right and a cute vintage mini dress that complemented her figure, she looked like a mix between a fairy princess and old fashioned Hollywood star. Her look was perfect, but it would have looked ridiculous on me.

The pixie girl would be Alice, Jaspers infamous ex-girlfriend. Lauren told me a bit about her, apparently she and Edward have been friends ever since they bonded over crayons in kindergarten and they practically grew up together, which is good because that means that she's like a sister to him and who would want to date there sister right, but they were so close to each other. She was playing with his hair and he was just LETTING HER. I swear I heard my hart crack just a little though but still it hurt to see him so close to someone it reminded me more that he actually had a life!

Another sad thing about me is that the people at this school hate me, I heard them talking about how they thought I was up myself and weird, well I don't care at least I'm not one of those cookie-cutter deadheads!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………......

A while later I was heading for that stupid photography course I'd signed up for, I felt really horrible I was sick of this whole pining-after-some-guy-who-couldn't –care-less-who-I-am, it was starting to get to me and the A-holes at this school didn't make it any easier. But as I stepped into the classroom I nearly tripped over my own feet, which wouldn't be a first but it would definitely have been more embarrassing because sitting at the back of the room was, Edward, Jasper and Emmett! In fact most of that class was art students apparently it was like mandatory for them to take this course, and as luck would have it the teacher told me to take a seat at the back, next to Jasper, it was the only available seat left. I had never felt more aware of how I looked, I tugged at my tatty t-shirt and faded jeans, how I wished I'd decided on my chucks, instead of my worn out combats, my hair was tied up into a loose pony-tail with my strawberry slides keeping my hair in place, I hadn't been bothered to dress for school but now I wish I had, I could feel my cheeks start to heat up, _perfect!_ Now I was blushing as well!

Jasper sort of smiled at me politely but my face wouldn't form a smile instead it was this weird grimace, and then just as I had taken my seat, Edward leaned across Jasper and said, in this silky-smooth but rough voice (if that's even possible) "hey, do you have a pencil I could borrow" I was so dumbstruck, so overjoyed, that I reverted to the mental age of two and shook my head. My tongue became numb, I couldn't move it to formulate any words, but when I took out my bran new camera (a sorry for ruining your life by dragging you to some unknown town, present from my father) I heard him say to Emmett, "wow, she's got a cool camera" and I melted, I know pathetic right I mean he wasn't even talking to me. But he was talking about me, or my camera specifically which meant I now existed to him. And for some reason I felt really overjoyed at that thought.

The entire lesson was wasted on me, I couldn't bring myself to look away from Edwards fingers, long and thin and beautiful, they look like he should be permanently picking guitar strings or playing beautiful melodies on the piano, and when the class was finally over, they all went for coffee at the café, but he held the door for me and WINKED at ME!!!!! I can't believe that my stomach lurched at such obvious guy behavior, but it did. My _everything_ lurched.

**Well that's it for this chapter, really hope you liked it and if you didn't tell me what I should do differently. Like I said in the first chapter this story is based on another book, which is like way better than what I'm writing, anyway thanks again for reading and I'll try and have the next chapter up soon, oh and the whole Lauren and Jasper thing, it ties in with the story…all will be explained later on**

**Eden***


	3. fluffy bunnies are more intimidating

**So here's the third chapter, hope you like it.**

School is now somewhat bearable. I get along really well with Lauren, well actually she just goes on and on about Jasper (she's made me tell her about sitting next to him in photography like twenty times) it's really annoying at times and sometimes I want to say _shut up!!! I don't care that you're so in love with Jasper_. But then I remember that she's sort of my only friend here, so I keep my thoughts to myself.

But that to, is looking slightly better (the only friend thing) because I've started talking to these two guys Mike and Eric from my history class. It was so weird, there I was just minding my own business trying to ignore the fact that I was yet again sitting alone (I didn't even try and look happy) staring at the walls, you see unlike the very dead English class, the History room actually has something to look at. Like all the wall except for one is covered by pictures of past American presidents, the European royals and all those famous historical I icons, and each picture has these little highlighted captions that tell you something about them. But the coolest thing would have to be the wall without pictures, because instead of the very educational pictures the entire wall is covered with writing from the students, like there names or little quotes, that they like there's even a few hand prints it's really amazing. Apparently the deal is if you feel inspired or are just completely bored then you can go right ahead and right something down. But back to the point, so there I am just minding my own business when these two boys come up to me. We started talking and apparently when they saw my Pucca sticker on my class book they decided to come and talk to me. They said they'd been daring each other all week to come up to me and say hello.

"I don't get" I started "why didn't you just come up to me and say hi?" mike just shrugged. It's so cute mike is like this cute puppy that I just want to put in my bag and take home, whereas Eric's has naughty grin plastered to his face like his always thinking evil things.

"We were sort of intimidated by you" Eric finished for Mike, I couldn't help but let out a giggle I mean me, intimidating, yeah right, I'm like the least intimidating thing on this planet, FLUFFY BUNNY RABBITS are more intimidating that me. After it was decided that I am in fact the least intimidating person in the world they invited me to sit with them at lunch, which I accepted I mean Laurens cool and all, but if I have to hear "so what was it like sitting next to Jasper?" one more time I'm going to jump off a cliff!

But the best thing that's happened is that Edward is now actively aware of my existence! He smiles at me when he sees me now!! I can't believe I'm actually blushing just thinking about it. I seem to be losing all my kick-ass faculties around a mere boy-shape. In fact everything was perfectly fine and then out of no-where life just gets seriously heavy and weird. Like when I got to Photography yesterday, late again (but I made an extra effort and put on my nicest t-shirt, with jeans and my chucks) the only open seat was next to Edward!

I could literally feel all the molecules in my body strain towards him. He was wearing a faded Rolling Stones t-shirt the seemed to fit his body just right, and I as I sat down I realized that if I leaned just a bit to my right his bare arm and my bare arm would be touching witch made me come totally undone, I thought I would be sick with nerves.

I didn't dare look sideways, I couldn't even take sneak peaks, I was that nervous, but then Tom (our instructor-he'd asked us to call him by his first name because being called Mr. made him feel old) told us to pair up with the people next to us! So yes, now I'm photography partners with Edward, I could have died (literally) but instead of being pleased with this turn of events, it just made me want to cry.

I couldn't speak at all, not a single word. Which means he must think I'm a total and complete freak? It was torture I hid my hands under the table so he wouldn't see them shaking as he spoke to me.

"so I guess I should introduce myself, formally" he said smirking slightly, and all I did was stare at my note-book like it held the secretes of the world, thought I knew I wasn't fooling anyone, I could fell the blush cover my entire body, my face, the tips of my ears even the parts between my toes, I was burning up! But to give Edward some credit he continued despite my lack of sociability and said "I'm Edward Cullen, I'm on the art course, and you're Bella right?"

I managed somehow to nod, shrug and shake my head in reply to all his questions, mhmm, I thought, give a week or two and I might progress to the occasional grunting noise. Eventually Edward decided to do our project on Forks' natural beauty, apparently if we drove just outside of town to the forest, we could get some epic shots or something like that, he kept talking about how it was amazing that there was still so much open land left and how he knew where to go to get some nice shots with like natural shading and all that other stuff I didn't really follow.

Thought I think it's safe to say that Edwards got me down as a mute. And even worse than that, he's coming over to my HOUSE on Sunday. This is so not good, at all, I actually had to speak to him. To give him my address, without sounding like an idiot or forgetting my house number. But as it would be I started stammering and my blush went even deeper if that were at all possible. It was horrible. And then I finally looked up at him and he was giving me this look, accompanied with this half-smirk smile that practically removed the top layer of my skin. Edward made my body react in all sorts of ways and the weird thing was…I liked it.

**Well that was the third chapter, hope it was ok, but tell me what you think. And sorry it's so short but I just needed to get that up, the next chapter will most probably be longer.**


	4. au bout de souffle

Hello again. Before I forget (again)

**I do not own twilight or any of its characters they belong to Stephanie Meyer; I'm just using them for my own entertainment and anyone else who reads this fan fiction. The same applies to **_**diary of a crush**_**, which belongs to Sarra Manning I'm just using the idea and some of the context.**

**So hope you like the fourth chapter and sorry its so late, I was away on 'holiday' if you can call I that and completely cut off from civilization, it feels good to finally be home, and in front of a computer (beautiful technology, how I've missed you). My mobile has a signal!!! But then the computer went on the fritz and the internet didn't want to work, I know I sound like I'm just making up excuses but seriously sorry. **

I haven't been able to concentrate on anything but the fact that Edward is coming over on Sunday, to my house. Mom's going out for the day with some old friends, so that eliminates one of the 'rents (but not the worst one). I've tried to get dad to go out on Sunday, maybe watch the football game with his buddies from the station. It's no use though the man won't budge.

So I'm sitting here, in the kitchen eating the now burnt chicken breast I put in the oven (I asked my dad to check it for me, but his no good when it comes to anything concerning the kitchen) so like I said, I'm sitting in the kitchen when the telephone rings and seeing as I'm the closest to the cordless I pick it up. Obviously wondering who on earth could possibly be calling us.

"Hello, Swan residence" I say politely, I may not always act like it but I was taught decent manners. The voice on the other end sounds familiar, but I couldn't put a face to it

"Hello, is Charlie there?"

"Uhm, yeah hold on a sec…" covering the mouthpiece with my hand I continued "Dad, someone on the phone for you"

I t turned out to be Billy Black, my fathers old friend from Phoenix; he was coming down for a weekend visit. Perfect I thought, Billy would most definitely want to go fishing witch meant dad would be gone Sunday, leaving no room for embarrassment, at least none that my parents can cause. Witch just leaves more room for me to totally screw things up, great now I'm all, anxious again!

Lauren told me that Edward has this really bad reputation and that he's left a trail of broken hearts in every school in the state of Washington. And he and Alice have this strange contest to see who can get off with the most people but it's really 'cause they have this love/hate relationship and they're trying to score points off each other.

"Lauren have you _seen _Edward?" I asked her incredulously, as we sat on the wall outside school sharing a packet of chips "he's gorgeous. If he wanted Alice, he could have her. Why play these games?"

Lauren didn't answer my question instead she just gave me this look, I can't explain it and then she changed the subject. The entire conversation did nothing to clam my nerves, if anything it made it worse.

Also I can't seem to make up my mind. I want Sunday to come, and then I wish it would never come. It's like when I'm alone and thinking to myself I have these amazing conversations with Edward, where I'm funny, smart and quirky. But then I snap back to reality and I realize that I'm just a stupid, dumb girl who's to chicken to even speak to him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I was sitting in my room, reading Wuthering heights, when I realized that in less that TWENTY-FOUR hours Edward will be in my house! It's just too much to handle and now on top of all this Laurens invited herself to stay the night. I thought my parents would say something along the lines of it's to short notice, but they're just so happy that I've made some friends that they don't really seem to mind. In fact they're all for having Lauren over. Now I have to act like a sane person instead of working myself up into a hysterical state like I wanted to.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lauren is dead meat; I cannot believe what she did to me. She came around last night, spiked my coke with vodka then persuaded me that cutting a fringe would be an excellent idea, which I stupidly-in my intoxicated state-agreed to. I know one minute we were talking about how our English teacher looks like a character straight from _Harry Potter_ and then:

"You know you've got really cool eyebrows but no-one can see them" I really don't know what I said in reply or if I even replied I just know she kept going on about how my eyebrows are hidden behind my hair and u would look so much better if people could actually see them. I think in the end she just lunged at me with a pair of scissors and I was too woozy to make her stop. _Then_ after all that, as if the night wasn't already ruined, she threw up on my mothers Art Deco rug.

Now Edwards coming over in less than half an hour and the house smells of Dettol, I think I have a hangover (if the killer headache I've got is anything to go by) and worst of all my FRINGE is curling up at the ends and is completely crooked. Times like these I wish I were dead…no scratch that thought I wish everyone else were dead.

By the time Edward came over I was practically hyperventilating. Lauren left after I had a slightly psychotic hissy-fit, Mom left early this morning wanting to avoid my bad mood, and to make matters worse my Dad and Billy were parked at the dinning room table waiting for Edward to make his appearance before they left. I tried many times –to no avail- to tell them that they had to leave early in order to go fishing but they just shrugged at my feeble attempts to get rid of them and said "the fish will still be there when they got there" and every time I looked in the mirror I became more aware of how lame I looked and how my fringe (which was completely uneven) wouldn't lie flat. But before I could do anything about my catastrophe fringe and my outfit the doorbell rang and I sprinted down the stairs, beating Charlie to the door. I heard him grumble something incoherent but I ignored it and banished him to the kitchen before I opened the door. I practically fainted at the sight in front of me Edward, slouched (SAT word) against the doorframe, and dressed all in black. He slowly uncoiled himself, smiled at me in a way that made my insides melt and handed me paper bag.

"I thought we could have these with our coffee," he said with another smile that looked more like a smirk. I just stared at my feet, but eventually I looked inside the bag. He'd brought biscuits. When I looked up at him again he was staring at me intently, _it's the damn fringe, isn't it_ I thought to myself.

"You look different" he said after a while of just staring at him, I was super aware of the my knee length hipster skirt I wore and my Lisa Simpson t-shirt with the small coffee stain on the collar, which I'd slept in last night. I knew I should have changed my outfit. Before I could think further he reached out and lifted my chin, I swear could feel my stomaching dip down to my toes, but some how I managed to pull away from his light hold on me.

"It's my fringe. I had a run in with a pair of scissors" I mumbled, and then he was like "wow, you actually talk" but before I could say anything else, I heard someone clear their throat and I had a pretty good guess of who that 'someone' was. Slowly I turned around to find Charlie- with Billy close behind- staring at Edward. The word hostile sprang to mind and I quickly tried to get them to leave before they could completely embarrass me.

"Dad, Billy…shouldn't you guy be off, you don't want the lake to be packed by the time you get their" it didn't work, and I was forced to stand there while my father and his best friend played twenty questions with my photography partner.

"How old are you?" my father asked trying to look intimidating (I bet he wished he had his gun with him) but before Edward could answer Billy chimed in with "how long do you plan on staying?" his continued for at least ten minutes and it was getting to the point of excruciatingly humiliating when Edward interrupted my father little rant- about how he shouldn't really leave us alone her-

"Mr. Swan, I'm just here to work on a project with Bella, nothing else as soon as we finish enough work for today I'll leave if that's ok?" he was so suave, so smooth that I was lost in his voice for a while until my father cleared his throat once again and said in a lighter tone "well then Edward, nice meeting you" they shared one last look and my father turned to get his equipment, but it was Billy who stayed a while longer, stared at Edward for a bit (I was beginning to think that they were having a staring competition) then Billy said "you better not try any funny stuff" and turned to follow my father. Billy was always skeptical about boys, all boys especially boys who wore black. After the rather embarrassing encounter with my father and Billy was over with, Edward and I found we sitting on the stairs. He'd asked me if my father was always like that I just shrugged not wanting to let on that there was never really any need for it, the conversation drifted from my father and his overprotective best friend to my fringe.

"Lauren sort of attacked me with the scissors and I was to weak to stop her" Edward sighed and said in this really strange strained voice "oh, that sounds like Lauren" I looked down again, at our knees, even his knees seemed beautiful (does that sound strange) and mine just seemed small and child-like.

Anyway, after our strange conversation that seemed to have no point really we ended up in the bathroom so that Edward could tidy up my fringe (I guess it must have been bugging him). He was really into the idea and I figured my fringe couldn't possibly get worse. Though he didn't really seem interested in _me_, but my fringe seemed to hold this fatal attraction for him. It was a very intimate situation. I was seated on the edge of the tub and Edward knelt down in front of me, cupping my chin and turning my head this way and that before he started snipping away. I was lost in thought at he concentrated on my fringe, I'd always vaguely thought that any guy who cuts hair has to be gay, but the way Edward did it was so _not_ gay. It was more like an artist working on a sculpture, it was so precise and smooth, the way he held my face and examined my hair. And when he finally finished he wouldn't let me look. Instead he did something that made me freak out, but in a good way. He told me to close my eyes and then he started to slowly, and very gently blow on my face to get rid of all the small hairs. He was holding me by my shoulders to stop me from moving, I opened my eyes slightly and noticed how close he was to me, his face inches from mine and all I wanted was for him to kiss me.

But he didn't.

He just turned me around to face the mirror and I have to admit, my hair was happening! My fringe was cut extremely short but it suited me. Then that devastating crooked smile that turned me into jelly was back o Edwards face, and he said, "I've given you Jean Seberg hair. It looks really cute". I turned bright red at that and was sort of 'aw shucks-ing' but he just said dead seriously "Your eyebrows are fantastic" and the moment was gone. So I went downstairs to make him some coffee. But the kettle had barely started to boil before Edward had to go. It was like one minute he was sitting on the odd looking chairs in the kitchen and the next it was like "time I wasn't here". We hadn't even worked on the project, no pictures we didn't even talk. One moment he was there and the next he was gone. He didn't even say good-bye properly.

I watched him disappear down he street, I started to feel sad the further away he got, then I realized that my dad and Billy would be back any minute so I went to clean up the kitchen. Later on I googled Jean Seberg, She was this French actress who starred in this film called Breathless (or _Au Bout De Soufflé_) and although she had this crop that I could never get away with, she also had this really short fringe and was pretty in this gamine way. This information left me thinking, did Edward think I was pretty like Jean Seberg, like pretty in a gamine way or was it just the fringe?

I have got to stop obsessing him, it's like I want to consume him whole. When I'm with him I feel completely different like I'm so aware of myself and I'm not really sure I like it. This whole girl boy thing is so confusing, I keep replaying the scene from this afternoon over and over in my head and the more I think of it the more goose bumps I get. Edward has this way of making me feel so…I cant even describe it but it's like when I'm with him I don't realize that the rest of the world is still moving, it's like it's just me and him and time has stopped.

Well that was chapter four I hope you liked it, I tried to add my own things into the story but I don't know how well that went.

**Any way thanks for reading and review if you can**


	5. slightly pathetic

**AN: so I know that I haven't updated in FOREVER and I'm really sorry. If there is anyone still reading this I apologize for the long wait, but here it is the incredibly short but long overdue 5****th**** chapter of DOAC.**

**I am not SM, nor am I SM (stephenie meyer and sarra manning) I wont pretend to own the awesomeness that is DOAC or twilight. But I do own my random inserts.**

**Now anyone who doesn't believe me…clearly you encourage wishful thinking!!!**

**Now on with the shortest chapter in the world.**

**Eden. **

I felt dreadful today like I had this sense of impending doom hanging over me. I managed to get two minutes of sleep between thinking about what had happened with Edward, and stressing over the fact that I'm a complete and total spaz, especially in front of him! And I also remembered how unimpressed he was with Lauren, when I told him about the carpet and my fringe.

Then it was as if my sleepless night was in vain because I didn't see Edward at all today, but I did see his friend Jasper-he winked at me, but not in a sleazy way it was more a friendly 'hey I know you' kind of way. But that entire encounter was completely spoilt when I ran into Lauren, I thought she would apologise for throwing up on my mothers rug but she just sneered at me and said "your fringe is ridiculously short" to which I replied with a very mature "Well whose fault is that?" then she muttered something under her breath about stupid girls with silly crushes and how I should get a life. So then I was like, "Oh yeah, I had a great time with Edward on Sunday in case you were interested and Jaspers just winked at me" she kind of shoved me against the wall and then stormed off. Now why did I go and say that?

Mike and Eric said that I looked like a young Angelina Jolie and when I beamed at them, they nudged each other and laughed and I was like, "yup that was the right thing to say"

* * *

I sat in the cafeteria on my own today, and Lauren sat nearby with a bunch of people who kept looking over at me and laughing. Then, if that wasn't enough Edward and Alice walked in looking like Brad and Angelina, and even though there were two empty seats at my table they took what looked like the farthest seats away.

Alice is gorgeous. She looks like she's in a white stripes music video, she wears the same things as everybody else (hipster jeans or vintage dresses) but she looks a million time better that any of us. I looked at her and immediately became conscious of my bottle green schoolgirl cardie and my old battered black cords. Sometimes a girl just can't pull off the casual thing.

Anyway they (Edward and Alice) just locked into this private groove, whispering and giggling softly. Edward had his arm around her and every now and then she'd sort of nuzzle her head against his shoulder. I pretended to be engrossed in my book-but not even Romeo's beautiful prose could distract me- I just sat there and wondered how the sound of people laughing could be, like the loneliest sound in the world. Then Edward got up and as he passed me he tugged on one of my pigtails, but before I could even turn around he was gone. I watched Alice from behind my book and she was sitting there with her bottled water staring at something behind me, I turned around to see what exactly but all I saw was Lauren and Jasper sitting together. Then he looked up I thought he caught me staring at them but when I looked up again his eyes were glued to Alice. Then she got up tossed her bottle in the trashcan and exited gracefully (I never thought you could exit a cafeteria gracefully).

Everything is so weird. Why was Lauren acting like such a bitch? And why was Edward avoiding me? And why did Alice have to beautiful and mysterious in such a cool way?

There was also no photography today the teacher was absent. I Cant decide if I'm disappointed or relieved that I don't have to see Edward, it's all so confusing with all this weird stuff going on.

* * *

Mike and Eric are the only people speaking to me now, besides my parent who don't really count. Obviously this means I'm a horrible person and no one want to know me. I saw Edward in town the other day, he was with Alice again wearing a hoody and faded jeans-he seemed so remote-I realised that it was totally stupid of me to think that there was some kind of connection between the two of us. When I see him tomorrow I'm going to pretend that he doesn't exist. I think that might be the only way that I can hold onto my last shreds of sanity.

I also think that Mike and Eric might be gay…I don't know but I get this very 'gay' vibe from the two of them. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but just the other day I caught the two of them ogling my history notebook, but that's not the weird part, the weirdness was that my notebook was covered with pictures of the very snack-able Johnny Depp. I shrugged it off as him being made of so much awesomeness that not even boys could hide their love for the incredible man who once had scissors for hands!

Its gotten to the point where all I do is think about Edward and how his cool breath felt against my blushing skin and that just serves to get me depressed, because no matter how many times I think about it the outcome is still the same. Edward and Alice are just out of this world cool and I'm a little bit of a stalker. I know this because my obsession with Edward has sort of morphed into this Obsession with Alice, like the other day for example I followed Alice into this really old vintage store (yes apparently Forks does hold more than a school and a police station) she was looking at this really awesome sixties handbag and she looked like she was going to buy it as well but changed her mind at the last minute. When she left the store I went over and bought the bag, I doubt I'll ever use it but right now nothing would really surprise me I mean once you become a stalker you can't really get any weirder.

* * *

I was sitting in my room today, trying to think of all the things I used to do before Edward came along and consumed my mind with his stupid artboy hotness and mysterious behaviour. It sucked though when I realised just how uninteresting my life was…still is the only exciting thing about my days are any and all interactions with Edward. I hate that I sound so pathetic and I hate that I loose my kick-ass faculties entirely whenever Edward is within Breathing distance of me but sometimes I kind of just wish the had parts would fast forward and we could skip right to the part in movie when the boy realises his completely and irrevocably in love with the cute and quirky girl he sits next to in photography. Of course for that to happen, the boy in question would actually have some form of attraction to the cute/quirky girl and I'm afraid that all I am to Edward is the quiet girl who's fringe he trimmed.

* * *

okay that chapter was unforgivably short but, I got a sudden bout of inspiration and decided to post this really pathetic chapter in the of chance that I still have some readers who want to find out what happens with our neurotic little Bella and the Aloof Edward Cullen, and what's up with Alice??? And why is Lauren such a BIACH????? All these an more will be answered next time on. DIARY OF A CRUSH (which btw is actually Bella's diary, just her little run through of anything she feels like mentioning in her life) I promise if you stick with this story you will find than ass we continue Bella will once again be the Kick Ass cool girl she was at the beginning and a lot more action (not kapow short of action but ya) will ensue.

**That's all for now, reviews are love!!!**


End file.
